I MISSED OUT

Well, pooh.... Oprah's show is going off the air.... next week. And, I've never been invited to one of her 'Favorite Give-Away' Shows. How in the world did I not get a call from her staff begging me to come to the show? How, I ask you?

I never was a faithful fan, just watching when something I really liked caught my eye. Oh, geez. Somebody must have told her I wasn't one of the FAITHFUL, and that is why I was overlooked. If I had just known that I could have been on the list, you would have seen me sitting in front of my television every single weekday, my eyes glued to her every move. And, I would have Teevoed it and played the shows over and over again... if only that would have made me Faithful.

But, I wasn't. I used to daydream about being in the audience when they would announce it was one of her 'favorite things' shows and I'd imagine myself sitting there and hearing......

'Come on out, elves.... Convertibles for everyone'.

Those cars are pretty but I hate having my hair messed up by the wind so I'll settle for pretty hair instead. Besides, I bet those cars are real gas-guzzlers.

'Come on out, elves.... Diamond necklaces for everyone'.

Yeah... and the first time I had it on some dadgum mugger would run up behind me and snatch it right off my neck, strangling me in the process. Well, it was a BIG diamond... could have choked anyone.

'Come on out, elves..... A cruise around the world for everyone'.

 Oh goodie. Yipee. I've been wanting to do a cruise around the world... Oh I forgot, I get seasick just watching the water drain out of the bathtub. Mark that one off the list.

'Come on out, elves... a week at a world famous spa.'
Oooooh, sounds so relaxing. But, I'd scare myself to death with this sort of facial rub a dub dub.

 And, the hot stones lying on my already dried out skin. Don't need any more wrinkles, thank you.

Yes, Oprah's quitting. And, I won't get any of those things but that's alright. I am doing well with my little Ford 500 and my cubic zirconia necklace. I can't stand being seasick so I won't miss the boat ride. Get it.... miss the boat.... oh, okay. back to the Oprah show. I scrub my face with good ole soap and water and people tell me I look young for my age. Who needs all that mud and hot stones?

I'll miss those shows, sort of. It was fun to dream for awhile that I might get to see those elves passing out prizes to everyone but it 'ain't' happening. Who knows, I might win the lottery. So there, Miss Oprah.